Cat Rant: Human Music

When humans listen to music, it is often the cats who suffer most.

The most popular music tends to have wailing guitars, loud, thumping beats, and screeching human voices singing about kicking each other out of their houses or asking each other to come back. All in all, it reminds one of a back-alley catfight in spring.

Other types of music that are preferred by most cats seem to be mostly despised by humans. These often include piano, strings, or other so-called “classical” instruments which are usually heard in the background of quiet moments on the TV. We find them peaceful, pleasant, and very conducive to our favorite habit: sleeping.

When humans attempt to make their own music, however, the results can be disastrous.

I have, through my time in this household, suffered through human attempts to produce musical sounds from the following: an out-of-tune-piano, a cheap violin, an Irish drum, a guitar, a tambourine, and various types of artistic-looking woodwind instruments of varying qualities. The majority of these attempts have been ear-flattening at best, and comparable to a rabid bat’s dying screams at worst.

But nothing is more gut-wrenching than the sound of the Great Highland Bagpipes.

Why a human would like to try and produce noises like this is anyone’s guess. The problem, of course, is that they are exceedingly loud. We’ve learned to take cover at the first sound of the bag inflating. Even Iago, who likes to play tough and pretend he’s not afraid of anything, makes a beeline for the under-bed retreat. I can honestly say that I have found nothing in this world more irritating than the sound of the bagpipes.

Except, perhaps, animals too stupid to know how awful they sound.

*shudder* With that thought, let’s move on to the weekend, shall we?

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